Bible Of Clegg:- Some Excerpts
Are you fed up with Churches that lock the evil in and demand Good stay out. Are you tired of Televangelist's who are only concerned with taking your "seed" and growing their garden?
ENOUGH WITH THE FALSE DOCTRINE ALREADY!!!
Maybe you have put all things Good far from your daily life due to an unhealthy overdose of false religious teaching. Do you have a passion for sound alcoholic beverages but find the religions against heavy drinking.
If this is true then fear not my friends for the cleggism religion is the one for you!
why cleggism? I hear you ask
WHY BECAUSE YOU CAN DO WHAT THE HELL YOU WANT AS LONG AS YOU FOLLOW THREE SIMPLE RULES...
1. HONOUR THY ALCOHOL BY CONSUMING VAST QUANTITIES
2. ONLY LISTEN TO MUSIC WHICH IS GOOD
3. DRINK AND BE MERRY FOR WHO CARES WHAT TOMMOROW BRINGS.
CLEGG 3:16- Love thy beer and drink merrily for when morning comes thou will be hung over.
Chapter 5 verse 6. and yea the mighty clegg did enter the wilderness of his fridge and was tempted by the evil that is pop,v7 and with great willpower and strength did he move the evil to reveal the hidden truth of beer, v8 and with a mighty yell he did free the imprisoned good from the fridge,v9 and yea the chalice of glass did flow with the nectar of life.v10 and clegg did look and saw that it was good.
A Parable
A man approched the gates of the promised land and stood before the mightyclegg and did request entrance, the mightyclegg did say unto him thou must view thy life and decide if you are worthy of entrance to my promised land.
Both the man and the mightyclegg did turn and look at the 100 inch wide screen tv and the mans life came into focus as a series of footprints in the sand, the man saw that there were twin sets in the sand and knew that his life was good but as he turned to say he noticed a single set halfway through and then said "Lord i have followed your teachings and commandments but i see only one set in the sand why did you foresake me", the mightyclegg did turn and say" My son you were not foresaken for i went and brought you a pint and afterwards your life grew ever better for the experience".
And the man saw the discarded glass and knew that he was right.
The mightyclegg then did give the man entrance into the promised land which had 24hr bars, all you could eat and drink for free and music that was not false.
My hard and busy life recently took me to a small village of mostyn and to refresh my mighty power i decided to partake of a life giving pint.
As I entered the pub i did notice a stench of evil in the air and to my disgust the juke box did play Shit music and the beer was warm, and the almighty pool table was broken.
This was the last straw for the Mightyone and i did approach the jukebox and with an almighty cry to the heavens did forcefully change the muisic inside, then with a wave of my hand the table of gaming did repair and with a strength of will never before seen I did chill the beer and decreed free bar all night.
this was a night of miricles and i did then sit and survey my handiwork and found it to be good.
A Miracle
